They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
