It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
