He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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