she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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