It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
