what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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