Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
