it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
