Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
