I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
