Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize