It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
