that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm at about main and main street
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
