is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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