OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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