Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
