He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
