If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
