dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
