What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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