i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I will pee on everything he values.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
