Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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