The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
