im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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