Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
