Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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