he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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