and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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