it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Of course I have a pirate flag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
