whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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