Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
