Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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