I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't turn off my feet"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
