I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
