You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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