well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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