i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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