He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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