Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Mom said you looked used
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
