Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
