The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
