i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
