I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
