WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
