We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
