piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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