Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
