You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
