Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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