She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
