We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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