Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
