This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize