there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
