I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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