maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
