she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
