Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You made out with two different species that night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
