I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We are all done wearing pants today
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
