Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
