Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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