On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
