Already got asked if we're dating
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
