You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
