Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
