he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
