There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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