I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
