Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
