Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
